The Overwhelm

This photo encapsulates how I’ve been feeling recently. A tiny bird in a big ocean, thrashed by storms and constant swells. Waves could break over me at any minute, soaking my feathers and sending me down into the depths.

The truth is, storm petrels are perfectly adapted to these conditions. We see a minuscule bird and an overwhelming amount of water, but they see the endless possibilities of life on the wild ocean. The scattered bounty of food, completely invisible to us, that they navigate to feed themselves and find enough to raise their chick.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, but I’ve also been getting a lot done, because like storm petrels, this maelstrom is my habitat, it’s my environment. I work best when I work lots, when I have a heap of stuff to do and I churn through it. I get tired, but I’m learning to find balance and surf the waves rather than shy from them.

Listening to David duChemin’s “A Beautify Anarchy” podcast has been very grounding. I adore his book of the same name – it inspires me to keep looking at the world in new ways both in my creative and scientific life. To keep pushing, to know when to pause and reflect, and above all not to get mired down in comparing our work to others. To know that the journey is what it’s about, not the destination.

I’m on the cusp of a frantic few weeks finishing up the field season for the year, island-hopping and working with seabirds. I’m very excited. I’m also looking forward to a brief respite over the holidays, catching up with family (and on sleep!) before it all starts again in January. The calm times make me appreciate the busy ones, and vice versa. I’m good at overcommitting myself, and I’m still learning to say no to things. I’m finding out what works for me, slowly but surely.

Edin

Seabird scientist and conservation photographer working in Aotearoa New Zealand.

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